Batman vs. Superman

Warning: Full of Spoilers

It’s arrived, the movie that DC comics has been building up for a year and fans like myself have been wanting to see ever since they showed the logo in the movie “I am Legend.” We have the 2 biggest comic book characters in the DC universe coming together to give us two and a half hours of…. doom and gloom? How can I say this and still make you excited to see it, hmm, it’s 3 movies in one?

There is where the problem lies. This movie is actually 3 movies with a 4th sprinkled in for the fans and the problem is, it feels like we’re watching 3 minute clips of the “Batman” movie and then cut to a clip of the “Superman” movie and finally let’s cut to a clip of the “Lex Luthor” movie. Nothing is really fleshed out; we have to assume a lot and even though you get what’s going on it’s all over the place and feel’s boring because it never feels coherent.

The director, Zach Snyder, should have gone the “Deadpool” route and went forward to go back with all 3 characters and gave them all 30 minutes from each character’s point of view to all meet up at the climactic battle. Oh yeah, Wonder Woman, she maybe gets 10-15 minutes of screen time and we know nothing about her. She just happens to be in the right place at the right time when shit hits the fan.

The GOOD-

Batman looks great on screen as if he was straight out of the pages of the comic. Ben Afleck was good and plays both Bruce and Batman perfectly. The costume is the best iteration of the suit on screen. Honestly, they could’ve had the entire movie play through his eyes and it would’ve been so much better.

Wonder Woman, she kicked ass when it came time to throw down and looked great on screen.

Doomsday, not all that bad and looked cool but considering it took 100 issues to beat him, crossovers, deaths and Dan Jurgens but we get 20 minutes at best and Blue Beatle is still alive out there somewhere.

Okay, I think we’re good with that portion of the review.

The BAD-

Lex Luthor feels rushed with no real build up but that’s not the actor’s fault which he’s always good but the script that was trying to tell 10 stories at once and his has the most plot holes and wtf’s.

Superman still sucks on screen. He just doesn’t feel larger than life and he’s conflicted and blah blah, damn bitch, be a man. The twist with his plot/story was interesting but once again it felt like it was 6 five minute clips for us to put together and figure, “Okay, so Lex is messing with him and his image so he runs away from the problem, MARTHA!”

Lois Lane, always in the right/wrong place and the wrong/right time? Just let her write her stories and stay home and why is she still writing for the Daily Planet, has CNN not tried hiring her. She could have her on movie also but don’t tell David Goyer that because he already crammed way too much into this movie.

THE FIGHT! Yup, the reason you paid, got your popcorn and got ready to see…. 5 minutes? It’s a 2 hour and 30-minute movie and they fight for 5 minutes, Martha!

It’s long, boring, drawn out forever and dark/moody. I expected just that but come one, why write Superman as a conflicted pussy again, make him a poster boy for Justice and not a “God” figure that he can’t grapple with and run’s away when shit gets tough.

Damn you Snyder, you give me a cool dream sequence with the Flash, glimpses of Cyborg and Aquaman to tease the Justice League but if this movie is any indication of what you have in store I’ll have to pass.

Oh yeah, the dream sequences make no sense, why would Batman dream about Darkseid and his minions attacking and The Flash, wtf? Does Bruce Wayne have a magic ability like the Long Island Medium and can see the future.

In the end, fuck it, I couldn’t wait to see and now that I did I must say that I hope that Batman is he leader, Superman stays in a pine box and Wonder Woman realizes that she doesn’t need these clowns. Bring on the Suicide Squad, looks so much better.

Rating: 2.5 out 5

That’s being generous but Batman was so damn cool and seeing the Flash, Cyborg, Aquaman and Wonder Woman were all a treat. If you have kids that want to see this moody, dramatic, dark comic book movie I’d suggest you let them watch Ant-Man, this is not for kids

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