Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker

This is going to be full of spoilers and it doesn’t matter because I’m trying to save you money. Please pay attention. This movie isn’t good, it’s entertaining but damn, it’s not good. JJ Abram’s wants to inform the audience that the last movie, The Last Jedi, was a mistake and he apologizes for it in the dialogue. It’s almost laughable how this movie plays out and goes out of it way to avoid everything that the prior movie tried to set up. This movie is what JJ would’ve done if he made part 8.

This movie does give you all the answers you didn’t want. All the clichés and the JJ throwbacks to give all the SW fans the fan treatment. There is nothing new here and the twists don’t make you gasp, it makes you think, really? Seriously?

Okay, this movie starts with action and it lasts the entire movie. There isn’t much screen time that doesn’t have action going on. It has some cool lightsaber scenes and Lando, CP3O, Chewie, R2D2, Luke, Han, Leia and even the voice of Yoda, they all appear for you fans that want more of the same.

Let’s just cut to, wait, STOP, I hate JEDI GHOSTS and this movie uses it to the point where, holy shit, Luke comes back as a ghost but he has all his abilities still and can use the force to interact with the physical world. Stupid as all hell. Why doesn’t he just save the day? Damn you JJ. Okay, back to it.

Kylo is searching to Rey to join forces to kill the real villain, Lord Palpatine, he’s back. He actually never left, well, he did, and he was Snoak who was a clone that he controlled from a far. Kylo isn’t a good guy but thinks he can still corrupt Rey to join him. So not much has changed really but what you don’t know is the back story for Rey but you finally find out who she is…… Lord Palpatines granddaughter, WTF?

Seriously, no joke, wouldn’t lie to you. I know, it’s as stupid as it sounds and also Rey is the last Jedi therefor she has all the dead Jedi’s life force flowing through her. When the fuck did that become a thing and Luke uses the force as a ghost so he clearly has his power still. Han Solo is in this in the dumbest scene in the movie and…. I’m exhausted by the sheer stupidity in this movie.

Remember, it’s entertaining and has some great action scenes and funny at times but it is not a good movie. The upside, the story is final over. There is no more Skywalkers and Kylo is dead, oops.

Shit, the rise of PALPATINES granddaughter is more like it. Rey takes up the Skywalker name because her connection to Leia and Luke but she’s an imposter.

In the end it’s all worked out. Rey finally got her answers, the First Order is no more and Kylo is dead.

Fin is still a crappy character, Poe is basically Han and horses, yup, horses.

It’s definitely more along the lines of The Force Awakens with ton of fan service. Go see it just to finish it off and then when it hits Disney + you can cancel it for having too much crappy Star Wars content.

Mandalorian, stick to that and baby Yoda. Did I mention that Kylo dies and his mother and Han Solo is in it, yes, not a flashback, he gives a speech to Kylo after a big battle, fuck this movie.

Rating: 2.5/5

1 for ending this crap

1 for basically acknowledging that “The Last Jedi” was crap

.5 for entertainment value

Editor review

Overall Rating




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