San Andreas

San Andreas tries hard to be a classic disaster movie, or better put, a classic disaster of a movie. The only thing missing from this lovely piece of movie making history was a shark attack. This would have been the perfect time for a sharknado, and the Rock could have handled that with a last minute winning “Rock bottom” on a megalodon which, given the content of the movie, could have been released from its prehistoric slumber when the ocean floor opened up due to all the seismic activities. That would have been cool but doesn’t happen.

Will this be filled with spoilers? Absolutely!

The story follows a day in the life of LAFD helicopter rescue pilot Ray, played by Dwayne Johnson, and one hell of a day it turns out to be. The film opens with Ray called to a rescue for a young girl that seems to avoid all traffic accidents while texting only to drive off the road when a rock hits her window, see texting is not dangerous while driving, former wrestles turned actors hitting your windshield are. Ray is almost out of gas, assuming he’s been flying around all day, and saves the girl in the nick of time. Please remember the gas situation. Now Ray is headed home to gather some things for his daughter Blake and they are supposed to take a road trip it to San Francisco to find her a new place to live. Unfortunately Ray gets called back to work due to a large earthquake in Nevada which shook the Hoover damn, actually washed it away along with the partner of Larry the science guy, played by Paul Giamatti, who could have been removed from the movie entirely except for maybe a quick scene in the beginning where he says, “Oh my God, there’s going to be an earthquake so big it’s going to travel from L.A. to San Francisco.” That is really all that was needed from Larry. So now Blake travels to San Francisco in the private jet of her mother’s millionaire boyfriend.

Let’s get back to Ray. Ray is finally airborne and headed to Nevada when a quake strikes L.A. and he gets a call from his soon to be ex-wife. He must now turn around and save her from the rooftop of collapsing building. Ladies, I see why you love the high heel shoes. Not only can you out run dinosaurs in them but you can also out run the collapsing roof top of a rumbling building and leap to safety on to a dangling rescue basket. Now we have Ray and his wife in a helicopter when they get a call from their daughter that is trapped in San Francisco, which has by this time also been hit with an earthquake. Now Ray and his wife Emma have decided to head to San Francisco in the rescue helicopter to get their daughter. The same helicopter that nearly ran out of fuel while saving a local girl, the same helicopter that was headed to Nevada then circled back and hovered above a high rise in L.A. for several minutes. That same helicopter. That is what they decide to head to San Francisco in, I’m sure they’ll be fine.

The special effects are quite spectacular in San Andreas but the believability gets tossed out the window right from the start. On their way to San Francisco Ray and Emma go from helicopter to truck to airplane, which they skydive out of because there is no place to put it down so they jump into Pac Bell park and just let the plane drift away. Ray claims it will run out of fuel and nose dive into the pacific, but given how well Ray can’t gauge fuel, my guess it’s going to crash somewhere in Oakland. Lastly, they get themselves a boat and ride over a tsunami. Oh, those crazy kids.

The movie can be entertaining if you want to watch just how outrageous the story gets as Ray gets closer to finding his daughter Blake. But if you’d rather not waste 2 hours of your life (run time is 1 hr 54 min) then trust me, you are not going to miss out on anything but another lack luster Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson movie. Maybe the shark wrestling scene wouldn’t have been a bad idea.

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